It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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