i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
