I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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