sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
