Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
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