My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
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He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
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So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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