So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
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After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
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I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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