What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
