My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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