i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
