Old men and throwing up are my life now.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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