I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
