Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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