dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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