this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
