Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
