So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
