How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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