so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
