It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize