i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
