Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
