he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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