hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
