So drunk its hurt
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
