he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
