I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
