nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
