Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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