We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
