I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
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I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
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So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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