Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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