dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
he's gonorrhea incarnate
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Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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