Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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