I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
