you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
