What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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