Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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