You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
