the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
do nipples grow back?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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