I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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