ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
