I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
