All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
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