im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
