Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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