Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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