This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
