Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
He kissed a someone with a penis
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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