We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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