Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
