I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
