Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
