he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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