just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
