dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
