Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
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I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
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i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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