I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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