Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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