My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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