every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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