Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize