I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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