whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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